


The Curse of Castle Pemberleyburg

by Shrubbery_Girl



Series: Hallowe'en [6]
Category: AUSTEN Jane - Works, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Crack, Gen, Hallowe'en stories, dramatic scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 09:31:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2542781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shrubbery_Girl/pseuds/Shrubbery_Girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An entry I never posted in the 'Drown Darcy Dead' Hallowe'en challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Curse of Castle Pemberleyburg

**The CURSE of CASTLE PEMBERLEYBURG**

* * *

_A Gothic Tale In V Acts_

* * *

_Dramatis Personae:_

FRIEDRICH WILHELM Graf von DARTZY, _Lord of Castle Pemberleyburg_  
Frau REINHOLD, _his spooky German housekeeper_  
KARL von BINGEN, _a dopey sidekick_  
JOHANNA von BENTHEIM, _a naive love interest_  
ELISABETH, _her sister_  
HILDEGARD, _someone else’s sister_  
Count WICKENBURG, _an evil person_  
Die LORE-LEY, _a myth_  
MARVIN, _a skull_.

* * *

Act I

_Nighttime. The entrance to the Castle._ DARTZY, MARVIN, BINGEN, JOHANNA _and_ ELISABETH.

JOHANNA. Fare ye well, ye mountains, ye valleys wide, ye highs! Johanna goes, and never she returns!  
ELISABETH. This is all your fault, Graf Dartzy – I will never consent to marry you as long as I live!  
DARTZY. Elisabeth! Only death can part me from you!  
BINGEN. Johanna! I will love you all your life! Do not leave me, my heart!

_A stone gargoyle dislodges and crushes_ JOHANNA _and_ ELISABETH _to their deaths._

BINGEN. Oh no! All the blood! Their bodies are horribly distorted!  
DARTZY. The sight makes me mad!  
WICKENBURG. [off-scene] Mwahahahaha.

* * *

Act II

_Morning. A cold, dark chamber in the Castle._ DARTZY, MARVIN, REINHOLD, BINGEN _and_ HILDEGARD.

REINHOLD. What now, _mein Herzblatt_? Still in de mourning _mit_ de young girls?  
DARTZY. Alas, poor Yorrick …  
BINGEN. My life is over! If I die now, it will be all the same to me!

_A sword dislodges from the wall and cleaves_ BINGEN _’s head in twain._

REINHOLD. Oh no! All de blood! _Mein_ poor boy!  
HILDEGARD. ‘tis all your fault! Begone, foul murderer!  
WICKENBURG. [off-scene] Mwahahahaha.

* * *

Act III

_Midday. Atop the highest tower of the Castle._ DARTZY, MARVIN, REINHOLD _and_ HILDEGARD, _who is climbing a turret._

REINHOLD. _Mein Fraeulein_ , reconsider!  
HILDEGARD. If I fall down this tower, I would not care. My life is over since Richard died.

_A sudden wind-blow lifts up_ HILDEGARD _and she crashes to the ground._

MARVIN. Egads! All yon blood! Oh weel may I weep!  
DARTZY. Alas, poor Yorrick …  
REINHOLD. Dis is de doom, _mein Liebchen_.  
WICKENBURG. [off-scene] Mwahahahaha.

* * *

Act IV

_A dungeon in the Castle._ DARTZY, MARVIN _and_ REINHOLD.

DARTZY. Alas, poor Yorrick …  
REINHOLD. Dere is a terrible doom on de _Burg_. It is de evil _Frau_ of de Rhein. She must be paid _mit_ de blood.

Die LORE-LEY _sings in the distance._

REINHOLD. All de blood, _mein Junge_ , all de blood.  
WICKENBURG. [off-scene] Mwahahahaha.

* * *

Act V

_Nighttime. The banks of the Rhine at the foot of the Castle._ DARTZY, MARVIN _and_ die LORE-LEY.

MARVIN. Ach, by yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes …  
DARTZY. Oh woe, oh woe, oh woe! Oh horrid, black and darkest night! Oh night, oh night – alack, alack! Oh, night, that is whenever day is not!

Die LORE-LEY _sings in the distance._ DARTZY _jumps into the stream and drowns._

MARVIN. Alas, poor Yorrick …

_Meanwhile, back at the Castle. A cosy parlour in the south wing._ REINHOLD _and_ WICKENBURG.

WICKENBURG. Mwahahahaha.  
REINHOLD. I do not think so, _mein_ sweetie.

_She picks up an axe and chops his head off, then resumes singing her luring tunes._

* * *

The END


End file.
